Forgiveness

....is a high calling.

Very high indeed.

For me, forgiveness snuck up and I did not recognize it until after the moment. It began with a willingness, an attitude. I wanted to forgive. If you asked me, "Was your willingness to forgive borne out of your need to let go and stop hauling pain around?" I do not have an answer. I simply wanted to forgive and I'm not sure it was for self therapeutic reasons. I simply wanted to forgive.

I can recall having unbidden thoughts, memories, etc pop into my mind, and at one time, I dwelled there with them. Played the dialogues over and over only this time, I came out the victor, saying all the things I wanted to say, but couldn't say. But as I began to want to forgive, the unbidden thoughts, memories, well they still came, but I was less inclined to dwell there with them, until eventually, the thoughts came, the memories came, but I was able to see the futility in the replayed dialogue and simply, yes simply, stopped. I talked to God instead. And maybe that is when the forgiveness came.

Forgiveness, like loving one's enemies and seeking to understand, is one of those high callings. We have to want it, surrender ourselves to the possibility of it, and then allow God to sneak it up on and in us.

At least that is how I see it.