What's in the Cup?
The instructor stood on the stage, glass in hand. Holding the partially filled glass out in front of him, he looked expectedly at the audience. It's going to be one of those "glass half full/glass half empty" lessons, I thought.
The instructor hit the glass. Water sloshed out. Ok, that was random, I thought.
"How come the water came out of the glass?", the instructor asked.
"Cause you hit it". "Outside forces impacted it". "It got hit". piped up various voices from the audience.
The instructor repeated the action. Surprise, surprise, water sloshed out of the glass. Hope the church doesn't mind the wet carpet, I thought.
"So, why did the water come out of the glass?", the instructor asked again.
More voices chimed in.... a man's voice - "external forces making contact with the containment were sufficient to cause expulsion". Okay, I bet he's an engineer, I thought.
A woman's voice, "someone already said it, the water came out of the glass because you hit the glass". Okay, she's getting impatient, I thought.
After several more offerings, the room grew silent, somewhat anticipatory, while the instructor stood, making eye contact with each of us with something akin to a Mona Lise "I have a secret" smile on his face.
"Here's a thought", said he. "How about, the water came out of the glass, because the water was in the glass?"
Hmmmmmm. I thought.
"You see, the water coming out of the glass would not have come out of the glass with external forces, hitting, or any other situation, circumstance or cause, had it not been in the glass in the first place", said he.
Hmmmmmmm.....that's deep, I thought.
More silence, and then slowly, an almost collective "a-ha" moment. What a profound lesson.
How often have I thought I only got mad because "he" (meaning my husband) made me mad. Or, I wouldn't be so angry or sad or frustrated if the circumstances were different or changed or better. Or, this rage is your fault, you make me angry! The point of the lesson though, is, just like the water, none of these negative feelings would slosh out of me if they weren't in me in the first place. No one put them there; no one made me feel them; they are mine to begin with.
This, I believe, is one of the reasons we experience conflict. Conflict squeezes us and we get to see what comes out. Will it be patience, gentleness, understanding, an authentic desire to hear the other? Or will be anger, competitiveness and an incessant need to win?
I believe that conflict is one of those "all things" that God uses to work together for our good, and that when we view it like this, we see the opportunity that conflict presents, an opportunity to reveal what is in our hearts so that God can redeem it. And that's the good news!! Because when we come to understand the nature of the water in our cups, God is more then willing, ready and able to cleanse us, grow us and lead us in a better way. And He does it so much more gentler then the conflict He often uses to bring us there.
ah. wow. yeah. such a great point. we have been going through some really difficult times as a family, and i have really come to see the truth of those words "all things." and also, that the "good" that all those things will work together for is not necessarily our ease and comfort, but our being made into the image of Christ. a friend of mine has a little plaque in her kitchen that says "a cup of sweet water, even when jostled, spills not a bitter drop."
ReplyDeleteworking toward that, every day.
so glad to have found you through UBP! i have two boys with ADHD, ODD and a few other acronyms who have a really hard time dealing with conflict. i look forward to learning some new ways to help them (and the rest of us) deal in a godly way.
thanks so much,
- Shawnacy
Hi there,
ReplyDeleteI came here through the ubp11.
That's awesome that you are learning to be a mediator. I love that you are going about the business of being a peacemaker.
I love that water in the glass being really about our emotions bubbling from inside of us. We all have our baggage that we bring into our relationships.
Please visit my blog when you have a chance at:
http://bloggingwithgoodlyintentions.blogspot.com/
Rebecca G.
Hi Rena - saw your post on Facebook and came by for the UBP11.
ReplyDeleteI like the thought processes going on in this article.
Stop by Not Quite Dead Yet when you find a moment. Thanks!