God's Reframe
I have this picture, a memory really, of a scared little girl sitting on a stone bench in a breathtaking Japanese garden situated in front of a huge stone castle. The little girl has butterflies in her stomach and is sad. Her life up to that point has been fraught with beatings and sexual abuse. She feels utterly alone. She has no grid with which to decipher this, no way with which to deal with it, so she slowly becomes numb and false, unknown to herself and others. That little girl was me. The garden was in front of a military college on Vancouver Island. I found it after wandering away from an adults softball game. I remember the beauty of that garden and the wee sense of sanctuary I found there but only until the butterflies in my stomach returned at the dread of when and how the next attack would come. I was maybe 8 or 9 and I remember wishing that I could stay and live in the castle and play in the garden but reality intruded. I never got to see my haven, my garden,