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Showing posts from January, 2017

Nothing Prepares You ...

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Nothing prepares you for the sudden realization that things don't always turn out the way you hoped, expected or thought you deserved. Nothing prepares you for loving a person for who they are one day, only to have to learn to love them all over again for who they are not, the next. Nothing prepares you for the unbearable idea of possibly loosing and grieving someone who is still alive, or the even more unbearable fear of wondering if they'll be alive when you come home from work today. Nothing prepares you for the utter and complete surprise of mental illness; for the chaos it brings to your marriage, for the pain of watching a loved one suffer, for the nasty voices in your own head that tell you it was your fault, for the fear and uncertainty. Maybe nothing prepares you but once you're in where you were never prepared to be, there might not be a way out, but there is a way to be there that isn't quite so  hard. At least sometimes. To sound cliche, welcome

Where Did the Year Go?

Life has a way of whipping on past with barely a notice. That's what happened to 2016. Started the year with a new position in a new company, feeling sheepish to be going back to the marketplace, and now the year is gone. The sheepishness is too. Not sure what's replaced it though. This was a tough year. Not half as tough as it was for some of my loved ones, but tough enough. I lost an uncle.  That hurt, mostly because of what he represented to me...a safe loving male adult. Having not seen too many of those growing up, his was a special kind of role,  modeled well. He is well missed, and while I'm sad for my aunt and cousins, am happy for the surety that we will indeed see him again. I lost sight of a goal and a dream. That hurt, mostly because of what that represented to me...as one who has struggled all my life with starting and not finishing, was this just another abandoned "project"?  But I am realizing that timing for things like vocations, dreams, a