Peace Treatments

I have this picture, a memory really, of a scared little girl sitting on a stone bench in a breathtaking Japanese garden situated in front of a huge stone castle.  The little girl has butterflies in her stomach and is sad.  Her life up to that point has been fraught with beatings and sexual abuse.  She feels utterly alone.  She has no grid with which to decipher this, no way with which to deal with it, so she slowly becomes numb and false, unknown to herself and others.  That little girl was me.  The garden was in front of a military college on Vancouver Island.  I found it after wandering away from an adults softball game.  I remember the beauty of that garden and the wee sense of sanctuary I found there but only until  the butterflies in my stomach returned at the dread of when and how the next attack would come.  I was maybe 8 or 9 and  I remember wishing that I could stay and live in the castle and play in the garden but reality intruded.  I never got to see my haven, my garden,

Harkening back to a post from several months ago on anger, I continue to be amazed that so many people blame their anger on others.  Here is a test...if you are wondering whether or not you truly take responsibility for your own anger, check out how you excuse anger.  If you use statements like "It's just something that comes over me", or "It makes me so anger when you do that...", or "It's something I can't control it" ..then there is a pretty good chance you don't take ownership of your own anger.  Dissociating yourself from your anger and making anger an it suggests that you do not see the responsibility that is yours alone to own.   Imagine the power of change that would come from saying instead, "I let my anger come over me" or "I allow my anger to overwhelm me when I see you do that" or "It's like I can't control my anger".  The sooner we own the emotions we feel, the more empowered we are to

If there is one thing that stands out from my days of rage and anger, it is the fact that my mind was forever clouded.  Uncertain.  Double minded. Scattered. Unfocused.  Well, ok, not entirely unfocused...more like overly focused...right on the thing that I had organized my life around, being the abuse and all it's ramifications.  Through the early days of my career I made mistakes, had trouble learning, remembering my course load and training and overall, had a general sense that my mind just wasn't working as well as it should have been.  Thoughts would stray, concentration was hard, daydreaming became second nature and I would fog or brown out of a conversation.  Nothing held my interest for very long and chasing down an idea was like trying to remember a dream. It did not get much better when I surrendered my life to Jesus in my late 30's.  In fact, scripture and trying to understand what God was saying only confused the issue. So, fast forward to today.  Over the p

I have just finished reading one of the most powerfully impacting books I have ever read.  I cried, I learned, I sat amazed and in wonder.  Everything, absolutely everything, that God is about when it comes to righting wrong flies in the face of how we humans normally and naturally (on account of our fallen natures) do it.  Humans hate, and want revenge, God loves,  and wants forgiveness and reconciliation.  It astounds me, He astounds me.  His grace is indeed amazing. The book is called As We Forgive, Stories of Reconcilation from Rwanda by Catherine Claire Larson (Zondervan, 2009).  I highly recommend it.  This is not just a book for restorative justice advocates and practioners like me;  it is a book for anyone who has been harmed or who has harmed another (and any harm will do, for all conflict that does not transform us so that we do the loving thing inevitably has and will cause harm) There was so much to take away from this book and that is saying alot, considering all the

How many times over the years have I heard Matthew 18:19 - 20 referenced by people who are praying for a specific thing?  For example, when praying with others for healing, I myself  have voiced the "promise", to remind God that "where two are agreed on earth about anything they ask, it will be done for them by my Father in Heaven".  Now though, as I study reconciliation, biblical peacemaking and conflict transformation more and more, I am fast becoming convinced that this promise, made by Jesus, is contextual to the passages that precede it, and the promise holds true for the miraculous that occurs when two or more people agree to make things right between them. Matthew 18: 15 - 18 concerns strained relationships that result from sin and the conflict that arises from unacknowledged and or unrepented sin and lays out one of the most important, biblical teachings on how we are to respond when this happens.   First, Jesus teaches,  "If a brother sins against yo

I have slowly - emphasis on sloooooooowly - been learning something of late. Loving your neighbour has little to do with actually liking them.  Accepting that you do not necessarily like someone and then committing to treating them with respect, dignity and honour in any event, is love.  That is how we love our enemies.  That is how we do good to those who persecute us and that is how we pray for those who harm us.  For almost 4 years now I have been working with someone I personally interviewed,  hired and trained.  This person has been the proverbial "thorn in my side" from day one.  Whereas everyone else I have hired and trained has blossomed in their role as an adjuster,  this person has not.  She takes feedback as criticism, is extremely defensive and attacking with confronted with an error, and has a narcissistic manipulative way about her.    There were days that I beat myself up for having hired her and admit that hiring her is a huge regret.  Unfortunately you c

This weekend I met a women who most would have labeled a crack head.  She told me a story about how when she was on the street, one day she felt an overwhelming sadness and despair.  She sat on the street corner at Hastings and Main and cried and cried and cried and people walked past.  She said if just one person had of stopped and looked at her, seen her humanity and asked her how they could help, she would have felt like she was not so alone.  Now many years later, she has found the love of God, is in recovery, and struggling to become whole again.   I thanked her for  honouring me, for letting me into her circle and telling me her story.  From now on I will take a risk, notice and engage the people on the streets instead of walking past, shaking my head and judging that they actually want to be there or had the capacity to change if they truly wanted to. This weekend I met a man who was out on a weekend pass from his sentence.  He was born into an organized crime family and his e

I start my training in the Alternative to Violence program tomorrow.  My hope is that once I've gone through the training I will be accepted as a volunteer AVP worker in the prisons.  Since I began school I have heard a lot about "reframing" your life.  Seeing how the experiences of your childhood, formative years, educational years and early adult years can be threaded together to create the tapestry of who you  are, who you were called to be and meant to be all along.  This passion for restoration and transformation hand in hand with justice began well before I learned anything about reframing my life story.  But now, when I take that look back and see the threads,  it all makes such sense.   Take my view of the victim and the offender - I have always been "for" both.  Some people in restorative justice lean their compassion and empathy to one or the other - I have never done that.  A victim's story tears me up and so does the offender's story.  I am

Pain.  It sucks.  And does it have a purpose? This came to me tonight as I answered a loved one's post. " In order to be ready for tomorrow's possibilities, we have to use today's pain to explore yesterday's promises"  When I figure out what it means I'll  post again.   Meanwhile, here are some thoughts -  we humans tend to avoid pain like the plague.  When in pain we get busy, get distracted, fill our lives with pain numbing activity and things.  I'm convinced though - if we allow it - God wants to use it.   There is a reason He said "Be still and know I am God". He meets us in the midst of our pain and reveal to us things we never even imagined.  Why He uses pain is beyond me - perhaps it is because He knows we surrender our own control when the pain of doing it our way is finally too great?   I do know this - of this I am certain - He is good, His purposes and plans shall never be thwarted, and at the risk of sounding trite, "

We all do things that we regret, that cause guilt, even shame.  How we respond to our failures has everything to do with whether or not we learn and grow from them.  I once had a blog called "3forward2back".  It was called that because several years ago I determined in my heart to learn from my mistakes - that when I fail and either sin by omission or by commission - that I would confess, repent and if appropriate, find ways to make it right.  This was the covenant I made with myself because I was personally sick and tired of making excuses for my behavior, and finding other things (or people) to blame my stuckness on.  I don't say all this to brag.  On the contrary.  It is God who gets the glory.  Learning to take responsibility for my life (my actions, attitudes and behaviors) instead of blaming others or circumstances has totally freed me from fear.  It's a mystery and I think that is the point.   Owning our sin, taking responsibility for, and confessing it opens t

The provost from the university has still not responded to my portfolio submission, though last week I was speaking the ED assistant, who told me that "they", being the academic admission committee "were really impressed".  It was to have taken 2 weeks, then a month, and now we're past both.  Oddly, I'm ok with it.   This is my fleece so to speak.  If they award me the credit I need to remain in the program, then this time next year, at the grand ole age of 50, I'll be graduating with a BA in Leadership, and checking out graduate schools.  And if they don't award the credit I need, then it will be evident that God has another plan.  That doesn't mean I still won't apply to a graduate program, only that perhaps I won't need a BA to get into one.  Still waiting, and kinda enjoying it.

Following along on my previous post, one of the struggles that I have had for most of my adult life is an uncertainty.  I venture forth into territory I've not been before, and the slightest hint of resistance, failure or defeat, I retreat. I think that's why I'm so adept at starting new things and seldom finish.  Or, conversely, something will happen,  like a mistake I've made or a misunderstanding that strains a relationship I value, and I become so heavily discouraged, I just want to give up.      The inner dialogue is one that is negative and defeating.  This is another outward working of my parent's divorce.  My world became utterly uncertain on that day and by extension, so did I.  Uncertain about who I was, what I felt, where I belonged, what I could say, who I could say it to.  Every  person has moments of uncertainty - they are uncertain for as long as it takes to remember who they are and what they are here for - but for those who grew up in disfunction,

I just spent the last several weeks working on a project for school and in the course of that work, something struck me.  Children from broken homes loose their identities.  People often assume that the affect of separation and divorce on a child is an emotional and psychological issue, and to an extent they are correct.  But it is also an ontological issue as well...in fact, I would go so far as to say that it's almost all an identity issue.   The two people who's very coming together was the reason you exist are no longer together, hence, at the very core of your being, you question the reason for your existence.  Hence, kids from broken homes begin to act out in ways informed by the search for identity. This is something that I had not thought of before.  My own memories of what it felt like to experience my parents separation were overshadowed by the sexual abuse that began within months of that event but I will say this - I always thought my search for self, identity,

Osama Bin Laden was killed by American Navy Seals yesterday. They stormed a compound in Pakistan, shot him in the head, took his body and buried it at sea. Another nail in the coffin of peace. Violence begets violence and yet we continue with the violence. Bad guy does violence, so good guy is justified to do violence back. The myth is that good guy violence will eventually win the day and bring peace. The myth has been told since the dawn of time. It started in Babylon, with their creation myth. Long before the Jewish creation story was written down in Genesis, the Babylonians had their own creation myth that has infiltrated the hearts and minds of fallen man ever since. It has permeated every single aspect of our culture and continues to this day to feed the violent, scapegoating tendencies of all of us. Here is how the myth goes. Apsu, the father god and Tiamat, mother god, gave birth to all the other gods. The children gods frolicked so much that Apsu and Tiamat decided to kill the

.....and our hope is in Him. Thank you Father, for Your Son, and thank you, Jesus, for the Cross.

....is a high calling. Very high indeed. For me, forgiveness snuck up and I did not recognize it until after the moment. It began with a willingness, an attitude. I wanted to forgive. If you asked me, "Was your willingness to forgive borne out of your need to let go and stop hauling pain around?" I do not have an answer. I simply wanted to forgive and I'm not sure it was for self therapeutic reasons. I simply wanted to forgive. I can recall having unbidden thoughts, memories, etc pop into my mind, and at one time, I dwelled there with them. Played the dialogues over and over only this time, I came out the victor, saying all the things I wanted to say, but couldn't say. But as I began to want to forgive, the unbidden thoughts, memories, well they still came, but I was less inclined to dwell there with them, until eventually, the thoughts came, the memories came, but I was able to see the futility in the replayed dialogue and simply, yes simply, stopped. I talked to God

My results from the peacemaker mediation training arrived today. I have been recommended into the certification program. I want to do mediation and conciliation in families and churchs. And. I want to do restorative justice work. And. Travel to places like Rwanda and South Africa to learn other alternatives to punitive justice. And. Study trauma theory some more and work with women who have been sexually abused. And. Finish my BA and then go on to pursue a masters, possibly a doctorate, in conflict transformation and restorative justice, and or trauma counselling and or both. And. Teach and train and write a book. And. Learn how to interpret dreams better. And. On those bad days when I hear the voices in my head telling me "who do you think you are" and "what makes you think you have anything to offer", I just want to stay adjusting, makes lots of money, spend it as catharsis for what ails me, or just stay home and do nothing but read all day. But that's only o

As I pondered the thought I woke up to on Monday morning (see last post), and talked it through with Jim on Tuesday afternoon, I came to the following understanding. We often have people in our lives who hurt us...over and over and over again. They hurt us with their actions and deeds but mostly with their words. Whoever said "sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me" was lying! And as I have been saying in previous posts about hardening hearts, we are faced with a choice when this happens. When I am hurt over and over and over again, I can respond in the way that Jesus teaches, or I can react in the way of the world. The world says I am fully justified in cutting the one who hurts me out of my life while Jesus calls me to forgive...over and over and over again. First, let me be clear. My choice to forgive must be borne out of a desire to restore, both them and myself; not out of a fear to submit or fake peace. The kind of forgiving that I am talking

This morning I woke up and instantly had this thought. "Holding bitterness or resentment or hate in your heart for someone is like having a tree that provides you with magnificent fruit but because it also provides your enemy with shade, you cut it down". When you think about it, who are you hurting?

The instructor stood on the stage, glass in hand. Holding the partially filled glass out in front of him, he looked expectedly at the audience. It's going to be one of those "glass half full/glass half empty" lessons, I thought. The instructor hit the glass. Water sloshed out. Ok, that was random, I thought. "How come the water came out of the glass?", the instructor asked. "Cause you hit it". "Outside forces impacted it". "It got hit". piped up various voices from the audience. The instructor repeated the action. Surprise, surprise, water sloshed out of the glass. Hope the church doesn't mind the wet carpet, I thought. "So, why did the water come out of the glass?", the instructor asked again. More voices chimed in.... a man's voice - "external forces making contact with the containment were sufficient to cause expulsion". Okay, I bet he's an engineer, I thought. A woman's voice, "someone a

Continuing on with my thoughts about the dangers of hard heartedness. I talked about the potential end result danger of hard heartedness in a previous posts about Cain and Abel and then expanded that with what happens if we allow too much time to pass in my post about the need for immediacy. And now I have a question. How come we harden our hearts in the first place? Are we self protecting? Are we incapable of seeing the other person as a fellow human, also loved and created by God? Or are they an it, a mere object in my way? Or do we miss the grace in the moment that lofty callings like forgiveness, empathy and loving our enemies sneak up on us? Are we so intent on being right and of winning that we miss the gift of love? Or are we simply selfish? And what about idols in our heart? Our "if onlys", those demands that have convinced that "if only" this or that will happen, then all will be as it should be. The idols in our hearts - those things we can't live wit

I'm heading down to Kent, Washington on Wednesday for a 3 day Christian conciliation training event with Peacemaker Ministries. I'm totally looking forward to it. The mediation model I learned at the Justice Institute was interest based with a real emphasis on neutrality. The interesting thing about Christian mediation is that neutrality is actually unbiblical. We can be impartial yes, but neutral, no. There are distintives of good and evil, right and wrong, sin and grace in Christian mediation, but there are also distinctives like confession, repentance, forgiveness and restoration/transformation. One model of mediation has the potential to resolve conflicts while the other has the potential to change lives. So, yeah, I'm excited!!

Several months ago I blogged about why we need to take reconciliation so seriously. I talked about Cain and Abel and how in the course of time something occurred in Cain's heart that turned him into an embittered, angry, hard hearted, and ultimately, murderous man. This post will continue on with those thoughts. So, here's a question. Is anything too hard for the Lord? How about a hardened heart. All through scripture we hear God warning against the deception and destruction that a hard heart creates. And always, a hard heart develops over time. A hard heart does not just show up one day; it occurs slowly and surely when we do not remember God and the grace He has already shown us, the good work He has already done in us, as well as His future grace, being the good work He promises to complete in us. God made each one of a promise and when we forget that promise, we risk hardening our hearts. "Only be careful, and watch yourselves closely so that you do not forget the thi

I'm presently reading The Forgotten Ways, (Hirsch, 2006) and the author made a comment about Count Zinzendorf and the Moravian church. He was referencing a spiritual renewal movement borne out of unity that occurred in 1727, and it piqued my interest enough that I went "googling" this morning. What I found was fascinating, at least to me! I have long wondered how the church of Christ on Earth, in all it's varied and wondrous forms, truly achieves unity and what would happen when that unity is actually achieved (and considering Jesus prayed for our unity His last night on Earth, it will indeed be achieved)! The story of the Moravians and Count Nicholas Ludwig von Zinzendorf gives us a unique view into the possibilities. I'll reference some websites later, but first, some quick background. John Hus (1369 - July 6, 1415), was a Czech priest and philosopher who proclaimed his protest against untrue doctrines of the Roman Catholic church more than a century before Mart

I had a hard time sleeping last night, thinking about the things that sin does in us. It is a sobering thought and while I think I understand that we who believe, and are adopted as children of God, stand holy and blameless in His sight, I am still very much aware of the power of sin in us. In me. Paul was too. He talked about sin and the war that raged in us, the corruption and deception that we allow ourselves to be in on account of sin and the things we like about sin. When I reflect on how sin has the potential to destroy, and kill and rip asunder, and for these reasons we are admonished to flee from it, and yet see people choose to become entrenched it, I feel sad and I wonder "why?". What entraps them to choose a life in sin when they know better? It seems the thing that entraps them is their inability to surrender themselves as living sacrifices, and instead, demand to continue living for themselves, despite the fact that Jesus Christ purchased them with Hi