God's Reframe
I have this picture, a memory really, of a scared little girl sitting on a stone bench in a breathtaking Japanese garden situated in front of a huge stone castle. The little girl has butterflies in her stomach and is sad. Her life up to that point has been fraught with beatings and sexual abuse. She feels utterly alone. She has no grid with which to decipher this, no way with which to deal with it, so she slowly becomes numb and false, unknown to herself and others.
That little girl was me. The garden was in front of a military college on Vancouver Island. I found it after wandering away from an adults softball game. I remember the beauty of that garden and the wee sense of sanctuary I found there but only until the butterflies in my stomach returned at the dread of when and how the next attack would come. I was maybe 8 or 9 and I remember wishing that I could stay and live in the castle and play in the garden but reality intruded. I never got to see my haven, my garden, again.
I have this new picture, a prophetic foretelling really, of a peace filled, capable, fully engaged and fully alive woman sitting on that same stone bench. She knows herself now, but even better, she knows God. She is listening to Him tell her about how far He has brought her since the first time she sat on that same bench. This time the butterflies are in anticipation of why the Holy Spirit has guided her to this place again, and she weeps at the depth of grace, mercy, and love that He has shown her, has always shown her, even all those years ago, when she was in that same garden. He reminds her of how He held her heart back then, shielded and protected, as His own broke in it's place, and like the good Father He is, He quietly tells her, "Have a wonderful first day at school, Little One, play nice with My other children, especially the ones that don't know Me yet".
That woman is me. The garden is still there, at the university where I've just applied to do a master's degree in conflict analysis and management. That is how I picture my first day of school next July, sitting in that same garden, on that same bench, marveling at how God will redeem and reframe our lives if only we allow Him. I recall how back then, I had so wished I could live in the castle and stay in the garden, and now God is bringing me full circle. It seems I will live in the castle and play in the garden again, but this time as a healed and whole 50 year old woman and only for as long as it takes me to become further equipped so I can go on to help others find their own special "castles and gardens".
God is good.
That little girl was me. The garden was in front of a military college on Vancouver Island. I found it after wandering away from an adults softball game. I remember the beauty of that garden and the wee sense of sanctuary I found there but only until the butterflies in my stomach returned at the dread of when and how the next attack would come. I was maybe 8 or 9 and I remember wishing that I could stay and live in the castle and play in the garden but reality intruded. I never got to see my haven, my garden, again.
I have this new picture, a prophetic foretelling really, of a peace filled, capable, fully engaged and fully alive woman sitting on that same stone bench. She knows herself now, but even better, she knows God. She is listening to Him tell her about how far He has brought her since the first time she sat on that same bench. This time the butterflies are in anticipation of why the Holy Spirit has guided her to this place again, and she weeps at the depth of grace, mercy, and love that He has shown her, has always shown her, even all those years ago, when she was in that same garden. He reminds her of how He held her heart back then, shielded and protected, as His own broke in it's place, and like the good Father He is, He quietly tells her, "Have a wonderful first day at school, Little One, play nice with My other children, especially the ones that don't know Me yet".
That woman is me. The garden is still there, at the university where I've just applied to do a master's degree in conflict analysis and management. That is how I picture my first day of school next July, sitting in that same garden, on that same bench, marveling at how God will redeem and reframe our lives if only we allow Him. I recall how back then, I had so wished I could live in the castle and stay in the garden, and now God is bringing me full circle. It seems I will live in the castle and play in the garden again, but this time as a healed and whole 50 year old woman and only for as long as it takes me to become further equipped so I can go on to help others find their own special "castles and gardens".
God is good.
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