The Healing Power of Friends

Today's learning at the JI centered on trauma, children and youth.  What a day!  Talking about children and trauma is always a slog for me; I at once cringe at my own memories and rejoice at the healing and wholeness I find myself in.  Today was no different, except that I got a Holy Spirit visit on the drive home - He is always so welcome!  He confirmed for me that He is/has/continues to teach me to love the least of these, which in a sense, is miraculous, given there was a time I believed myself so broken and empty, dissociated and depersonalized, loving was simple not possible.  But I digress...

The instructor (Linda Pearce, PhD) told us that researchers studying the affect of trauma in childhood specifically looked for reasons that some children grew up to be healthy, whole adults,  while others did not.  Personality, trauma type, race, creed, socio-demographic, and family of origin issues aside, they were perplexed by the fact that you could have siblings exposed to the same trauma events and when they became adults, some thrived and other's didn't.  How come?  Research discovered that the single contributing factor to functionality in childhood, youth and teen years, along with successful recovery in the adults who were thriving,  was a strong, secure, powerfully attached relationship with someone when they were between the ages of 9 - 12.  The someone could be a friend, coach, teacher, or relative, but in all cases, each thriving adult had just such a supportive and integral relationship when they were 9 - 12 years old.   Hows that for the power of a true friendship?!

So, I thought about it - and for me that proved to be true.  I had Susan B - she was my bestest, BFF from the time I was 5 thru to when she moved away when I was 12.  Susan was such an encourager; when other kids were more popular and wanted to include her, she stuck with and by me; she stood up for me when other's teased, and I'll never forget the day she told me they were moving.  Susan and I hid in a culvert and cried like there was no tomorrow (which for us, there wasn't)  The irony is that despite how close we were,  she never knew about the abuse until I told her when I was in my 30's (good thing too, considering what I'll be learning about vicarious trauma tomorrow!)

Besides my sister and a couple of my cousins, I have had one other incredibly supportive friend in my life since Susan, and that is Tina.  She is one of those friends who asks appreciative though hard questions - she likes to get me to check my motives and I find that endearing about her.  We all need friends who hold up a mirror and challenge us to take a long hard look, and  when Tina does that with me, she doesn't get put off by the ugly I sometimes find in the mirror. 

We are meant to be in relationship - it's where healing takes place.

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