..but when is it appropriate?

I was talking today - as I am wont to do - about my learning and healing through spiritual 12 step.  I am amazed how teachings that were incorporated into my life over 10 years ago still inform all that I do today and continue to impact me in ways that help me heal and grow.  Anyways, we were talking about step 8 and 9...

Step 8 - Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.
Step 9 - Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others

and the question arose..When is it appropriate to make amends and how do we know whether to do so will harm them or others? 

My hunch is that the answer to these questions is found in another...what is compelling you to make the amends?  What is motivating you, the desire to alleviate and heal the pain you caused them or the need to lesson some of the guilt and shame you carry over it?  I believe this step takes much self awareness and even purer motive.

As for how do we know when it's appropriate, as we pondered this question, I was reminded of Matthew 5:23 that says, "Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the alter and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the alter. First go and be reconciled to your brother and then come and offer your gift".

Initially I thought, "what does that have to do it with it?" but then it occurred to me, the appropriate time to go make amends is when the Holy Spirit tells you to.  Whether we are in an act of worship, prayer, meditation or simply going about our day to day business, it seems that there will inevitably come a time where we remember  someone we have harmed and I believe that remembering is prompted by the Reconcilor Himself.  And I believe that the reason that the remembering is occurring at  this time and in this place is because the Reconcilor Himself has prepared the heart of the other person to receive the amends in that time and that place.

Step 8 taught me the importance of becoming willing to make amends. Willingness is the key.  How often I have prayed "Lord, make me willing to become willing", and willingness snuck up on me. Or I  prayed, "Lord, I invite you to make my heart willing", and He did.  But willingness does not necessarily indicate appropriate timing.   Perhaps the advent of willingness simply suggests that my heart is prepared for amends and reconciliation while the onset of remembering confirms that theirs is too.   Perhaps that is how we know when it is appropriate and possible to makes an amends that will restore rather than injure them.

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