Counting Costs

Our most recent assignment has us counting the costs of conflict.  My team had a "moodle" discussion about that today and during one of my turns to speak, I said,

"The ultimate cost of any conflict will be the destruction of the goal you fought for in the first place and that will play out.  It might not play out today, it might not play out tomorrow, but eventually, at some point, the goal that you fought for today and continue to fight for, will become destroyed by the atmosphere and the attitude that is generated into the future because of that intractability".

 Sometimes the things that come out of my mouth are happy accidents and I have no clue where they came from.

But think about it.

When we are in a deep conflict, we think about our goals and then fight for them tooth and nail.  Maybe we win.  We often count the cost as being the relationship that was damaged and that is a dire cost indeed.  But what about the goal itself?  Is my means to my end a seed for future destruction or at the very least, does it render the goal less satisfying? 

We often ask if the costs are worth the win; that is a very valid question and I would add to it, am I prepared to see my goal disintegrate because it was won with an attitude of competition, or hate, or discord rather than achieved with a heart of love or collaboration or shared power.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Hiking as a Metaphor for Marriage

Just over a year ago Jim and I took up hiking.  Prior to that, we did not do an awful lot together.  He liked to golf with his best friend, and I liked to read and study, and that's just the way things were.  We spent some time together going out for the occasional dinner but did not enjoy a hobby together, unless you count all the years of watching the kids play ball. After the kids became adults, and we no longer had the common activity of parenting to keep us connected, I recall hoping and praying that somehow we could find something, anything, to re-discover what drew us to each other in the first place.  Life can get like that. Careers, children, bills, responsibilities and exhaustion all conspiring together to make true intimate relationship scarce. So sans kids, he spent his free time on the golf course while I spent mine shopping, working,  reading or watching TV. I remember well when we started doing things together.  It was just after the Winter Olympics. One Saturday
Read more

The Brotherly Agreement.....of the Moravian Church

I'm presently reading The Forgotten Ways, (Hirsch, 2006) and the author made a comment about Count Zinzendorf and the Moravian church. He was referencing a spiritual renewal movement borne out of unity that occurred in 1727, and it piqued my interest enough that I went "googling" this morning. What I found was fascinating, at least to me! I have long wondered how the church of Christ on Earth, in all it's varied and wondrous forms, truly achieves unity and what would happen when that unity is actually achieved (and considering Jesus prayed for our unity His last night on Earth, it will indeed be achieved)! The story of the Moravians and Count Nicholas Ludwig von Zinzendorf gives us a unique view into the possibilities. I'll reference some websites later, but first, some quick background. John Hus (1369 - July 6, 1415), was a Czech priest and philosopher who proclaimed his protest against untrue doctrines of the Roman Catholic church more than a century before Mart
Read more

What's in the Cup?

Image
The instructor stood on the stage, glass in hand. Holding the partially filled glass out in front of him, he looked expectedly at the audience. It's going to be one of those "glass half full/glass half empty" lessons, I thought. The instructor hit the glass. Water sloshed out. Ok, that was random, I thought. "How come the water came out of the glass?", the instructor asked. "Cause you hit it". "Outside forces impacted it". "It got hit". piped up various voices from the audience. The instructor repeated the action. Surprise, surprise, water sloshed out of the glass. Hope the church doesn't mind the wet carpet, I thought. "So, why did the water come out of the glass?", the instructor asked again. More voices chimed in.... a man's voice - "external forces making contact with the containment were sufficient to cause expulsion". Okay, I bet he's an engineer, I thought. A woman's voice, "someone a
Read more