Parenting via Facebook
Have noticed a rather disturbing trend of late - parents posting issues with their children on Facebook.
A child acts out, behaving badly, is disrespectful, ornery, what have you...and the parent posts details on Facebook, usually asking for tips on what to do or how to deal with it.
The first thing that comes to my mind is..."start by showing respect to your child by NOT plastering their private business and teenage angst behavior on Facebook".
Why do parents feel they have the right to denigrate and demean their child in this way? They are human beings, with dignity and value, who deserve respect and honour, regardless of whether we believe they deserve respect and honour or not, and regardless of whether they give respect and honour to us as parents. God created that child in the womb, endowed him/her with His creation grace, a destiny, and then was trusting enough to gift them to us to parent. It's almost a stewardship, this thing we call parenting, and good parenting does not include breaking a confidence, shattering a trust, crossing the line on privacy, or humiliating someone in a public forum like the internet.
Teenagers are, above all else, threatened by exposure - they fear being "made known", and when a parent puts private relationship issues, behavior issues and familial struggles with their child on the internet, they are exposing their child and dishonouring them by basically gossiping about them.
I wonder how a mom or dad would feel if they went on Facebook and saw one of their loved ones posting something about their behavior, and then read 40 + responses from people they thought loved them replying back with hurtful suggestions. Betrayed maybe?
And how will this impact future relationships with these same 40 + people, or build capacity for teens to trust or confide in adults if those adults resort to the same on line "bullying" behavior that their peers do?
Kids struggle enough with esteem, and "self"; they need us on their side, standing with them, for them, and not against them. When poor behavior is published in a such a public forum as Facebook, the teen will never perceive it as being anything but against them, and that already difficult relationship just got a whole lot harder to redeem.
A child acts out, behaving badly, is disrespectful, ornery, what have you...and the parent posts details on Facebook, usually asking for tips on what to do or how to deal with it.
The first thing that comes to my mind is..."start by showing respect to your child by NOT plastering their private business and teenage angst behavior on Facebook".
Why do parents feel they have the right to denigrate and demean their child in this way? They are human beings, with dignity and value, who deserve respect and honour, regardless of whether we believe they deserve respect and honour or not, and regardless of whether they give respect and honour to us as parents. God created that child in the womb, endowed him/her with His creation grace, a destiny, and then was trusting enough to gift them to us to parent. It's almost a stewardship, this thing we call parenting, and good parenting does not include breaking a confidence, shattering a trust, crossing the line on privacy, or humiliating someone in a public forum like the internet.
Teenagers are, above all else, threatened by exposure - they fear being "made known", and when a parent puts private relationship issues, behavior issues and familial struggles with their child on the internet, they are exposing their child and dishonouring them by basically gossiping about them.
I wonder how a mom or dad would feel if they went on Facebook and saw one of their loved ones posting something about their behavior, and then read 40 + responses from people they thought loved them replying back with hurtful suggestions. Betrayed maybe?
And how will this impact future relationships with these same 40 + people, or build capacity for teens to trust or confide in adults if those adults resort to the same on line "bullying" behavior that their peers do?
Kids struggle enough with esteem, and "self"; they need us on their side, standing with them, for them, and not against them. When poor behavior is published in a such a public forum as Facebook, the teen will never perceive it as being anything but against them, and that already difficult relationship just got a whole lot harder to redeem.
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