As We Forgive

I have just finished reading one of the most powerfully impacting books I have ever read.  I cried, I learned, I sat amazed and in wonder.  Everything, absolutely everything, that God is about when it comes to righting wrong flies in the face of how we humans normally and naturally (on account of our fallen natures) do it.  Humans hate, and want revenge, God loves,  and wants forgiveness and reconciliation.  It astounds me, He astounds me.  His grace is indeed amazing.

The book is called As We Forgive, Stories of Reconcilation from Rwanda by Catherine Claire Larson (Zondervan, 2009).  I highly recommend it.  This is not just a book for restorative justice advocates and practioners like me;  it is a book for anyone who has been harmed or who has harmed another (and any harm will do, for all conflict that does not transform us so that we do the loving thing inevitably has and will cause harm)


There was so much to take away from this book and that is saying alot, considering all the books I have studied specifically about forgiveness and reconciliation.  I would say the biggest take away though was Larson's succinct summary "choices on the way to peace" (Larson, pg 276).  The author describes the 4 "steps of forgiveness, calling them the "hands and feet" of peace making, for each of the "victim" and the "offender"; each person has 4 steps to follow on the way to peace with themselves and with the other. 

The steps for the one who has been harmed (the "victim") are:

Step 1

• I face my truth
• I move from denial to grieving the loss
• I open my wounds and begin to heal my pain and shame
• I forgive myself and cease blaming
• I accept God's forgiveness

Step 2

• The first hand of forgiveness...I let go of my bitterness and the right to revenge

Step 3

• The second hand of forgiveness...I confront the offender with a request to uphold my dignity by restoring something of what was lost.  ( As believer's who ought to be motivated by love to speak the truth, we have to care enough to confront).

Step 4

• I become open to accepting the humanity and dignity of the one who harmed me (the "offender") - and even the possibility of restoring the relationship

While the one who is harmed extends hands of forgiveness, the one who does the harming use their feet to move towards justice; so for the "offender" the 4 steps are:

Step 1

• I face my truth
• I move from rationalizing to grieving my losses
• I open my wounds and begin to heal my pain and shame
• I forgive myself and cease running away
• I accept God's forgiveness

Step 2

• The first foot of justice....I repent and turn to face the one I have harmed

Step 3

• The second foot of justice...I step toward the one I have harmed, apologize and make an offer of amends (how can I restore your dignity? your trust? help heal the harm I have caused? make it right?)

Step 4

• I become open to accepting the humanity and dignity of the one I have harmed - and even the possibility of restoring the relationship  (Larson,  As We Forgive, 2009, pg 276 - 277)

And to follow on the previous post, when two people are gathered, agreeing on one thing -  like the possibility of restoring the relationship -  there He is in the midst of them.