Where Two or More....
Matthew 18: 15 - 18 concerns strained relationships that result from sin and the conflict that arises from unacknowledged and or unrepented sin and lays out one of the most important, biblical teachings on how we are to respond when this happens. First, Jesus teaches, "If a brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone". One might call this Reconciliation Step 1, and it involves a confrontation between the one who is harmed and the one who does the harming. Unfortunately, this step is what gets many believers into trouble. Either they skip the step altogether because of fear of confrontation and misunderstandings about what conflict is and can achieve, or they work the step badly, causing even more harm to the relationship. If they skip the step, they often justify it by telling themselves "well, I'll just forgive them anyway" which translates to "so I can't or won't confront them"...meanwhile, the seed of un-accounted for harm that arises from the sin grows into a weed of discord. Moreover, there is the fact that if they don't talk it out, they'll leak it out, gossip it out, or act it out in some other subtlely destructive way.
Jesus said, "go" talk to your brother/sister/wife/husband/friend/neighbour/mother/father/son/daughter and whom ever else is considered "brother" to you, alone...just the two of you...and I believe this is the link to the "where two are agreed"....but more about that later. The promise is that "if he listens to you, you have gained a brother". Some translations say "you have won him". It is significant that the confrontation, done well, resulting in repentance and reconciliation, "wins or gains" a brother; meaning, what was once a good relationship is now a transformed, more meaningful one. The win or gain is an enrichment over what once was, and both people in the relationship have gained something higher, deeper, perhaps even transcendent, certainly better than before, a win/win for both.
But what if he does not listen? Jesus says take one or two others along with you so that "every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses". The others are not there to take sides or pursuade outcomes; they are there to witness a conversation, much like a mediator might. We often need help in our confrontations, and I believe that this is what the two or three others are there to do, which is again, a direct link to verse 20, where Jesus says "For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them". It seems to me that resolving the conflict, transforming the situation as well as the parties involved and reconciling them to one another is so important that Christ gives a special promise...when two or three resolve to make things right - (one of the meanings of shalom) - then Christ will be in the middle of it, to make it happen. That is how important it is to Him.
But again, what if even after taking along two or three, your offender still does not listen? Jesus said then "tell it to the church, and if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector" (vs 19). Some translations say "tax collector and sinner". So, here is a question....how did Jesus treat tax collectors and sinners? Matthew was a tax collector - these references are written in his very book! So I ask again, what attitude did Jesus have towards tax collectors and sinners? And how did He respond to them? What difference was there to how Jesus treated them before they came to faith and repented compared to after they came to faith and repented? And how did His treatment of the tax collector and sinner compare to His treatment of the Pharisee and religous zealot of the day? Interesting questions to ponder.
Here is another question - what was the church like that Jesus was referring to when He said "tell it to the church?" Did He mean the organized, structural, mega church we see today, or was He referring to the small accountability and helping groups that met in homes, prayed for one another, bore one another's burdens, helped one another, and did all the other "one anothering" in small community that Paul talked about later in his letters? I believe that it is significant to ponder what Jesus meant when He said tell it to the church, particularly in light of the following scripture, where He says "Truly, I say to you, whatever you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven and whatever you loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven" (vs 18). This suggests that the "church" Jesus was referring to was a small, accountability and spiritual warfaring prayer/support group that surrounded the "sinner" with redemptive action and prayer. As the body of believers that the sinner was/is a part of, the "churches" attitude towards him has the power to be either binding (anger, revenge, punishment, and distancing) which can keep him stuck in his sin behavior, or loosing (compassion, understanding, empathy, and encouragement) which can empower him to change.
In light of all this, here is the promise....if you are harmed by the sin of another, go to them; talk it out. If they listen and now you have to sort out how your relationship will move forward, pray together about it...for "if two of you agree on earth about anything they ask, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven"... in other words, when our relationship has been strained but we want to make it right, then we are agreed on that, so then, God will make it happen...He will work whatever heart changes are needed in both of us to create and maintain mutual understanding, acceptance, accord, harmony, forgiveness, reconciliation and ultimately, love, which translates to transformative relationship.
God promises to be in the midst of two or more who gather together for the purposes of forgiveness, repentance, and reconciliation....He sent His Son to reconcile us to Himself, and He continues to send His Son to be in the midst of us as we reconcile with one another. Right relationship is that important to Him.
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