Grief

It seems to have been a given that the deeper I've gone into conflict and peace studies, the more I bump up against things like trauma, grief and loss.  I've come to the conclusion that how we do conflict is predicated on how we did or did not complete our trauma, grief and loss journeys.  In simpler terms - if we have unresolved trauma, grief and loss, we will have unresolved conflict and or be wholly unequipped to deal with current conflicts. 

Drawing from my critical incident stress management training and practice, as well as my personal experience and learning through my own trauma and loss journey, including spiritual healing 12 step, I've learned first and foremost that grief and loss are heart issues.  Loss that results in grief makes for a broken heart and yet we try to complete our healing journey with our heads.  Moreover, we are acculturated to negate the confusing feelings that arise from grief and instead, intellectualize ourselves into how we should behave.  Ultimately, we never complete our healing journeys and as each new loss event occurs, the grief just keeps accumulating to the point that we become automaton humans - we tamp down, numb out and get busy busy busy.  

So, what loss events generate grief?  Typically, we tend to think about death, however, ANY LOSS has the potential of breaking our hearts, especially if we have residual grief left over from past, unresolved loss.  When we don't complete our healing journey through grief from loss events like accidents and injuries, divorce, death of a loved one, death of a pet,  losing a job, losing health, losing trust, crime, or any other abnormal event that interrupts our normal life, there is the risk of remaining stuck. 

So, how do we get unstuck?  The first step is realizing that FEELINGS are valid, real, confusing, and can't be intellectualized away.  Faith and reason do not trump feelings when it comes to grief and loss and that's exactly the way God intended it...in fact, that is exactly the way He modeled it.  When Jesus grieved over Lazarus, He wept (and not because He was disappointed about every one's lack of faith as I've heard taught!)  So, when those jumbled, confusing, painful feelings arise from grief, experience them!  Stay with them, listen to them, and let the healing journey begin.  And realize that everyone grieves in their own timing.   Completing a healing journey through grief  and loss will take as long as your heart needs it to take and no one is qualified to tell how long that "should" be except your heart.

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