My First Residency
It's still somewhat surreal, this current pursuit of mine. Who would have thought it? I remember thinking that finishing my certificate in mediation at the Justice Institute was daunting and now I have finished the first residency in my master's program at the School of Peace and Conflict at Royal Roads University.
It was tough. Three weeks of intensity, completing 2 courses. I struggled with doubt, fear and homesickness. I found myself second guessing my motives, skills and whether or not I was truly on the right path. This all culminated in my marks, which came back this past Friday. An A- and a B. After achieving a 4.13 GPA in the leadership program at TWU, I was disappointed. But then I realized that the voice in my head was the overly responsible, perfectionist, control freak that still lives in me. She's not quite crucified yet I see. LOL. Well, at least the feedback from the prof will assist me in my next course, Social Psychology of Organizational Behavior, that starts next week.
Several things surprised me while I was at RRU, namely, my own assumptions. For whatever reason I had fully anticipated that the rest of my cohort would have experience in conflict resolution. In fact, perhaps a 1/4 of the class had practical training and experience in conflict communication, crucial conversation, third party intervention or mediation. So, that being said, there was a ALOT of conflict, particularly during the team assignments and practical skills practices. And yes, conflict still freaks me out! Go figure.
Another thing that surprised me was the return of my insecurity; being in a room of highly educated people was intimating to say the least. I kept hearing that voice that said I was dull, dumb and out of my league.
Since I've been home, I've been in a bit of a funk, questioning this new reality. Seriously, how will I balance the next 2 years of intense graduate learning with fulltime work, a marriage, and a family? Throw in there a move in October, and a near constant restlessness to figure out whatever it is that all this learning is equipping me for, and I feel overwhelmed at times.
And then...
...today I go to church for the first time since before I left for RRU in early July..
...and I receive a gift, a reassurance, a reminder, and I love it when God does that.
The pastor spoke on unity and challenged the congregation to explore the things that are preventing unity; things like division between them and anyone else. And it occurred to me that often believers know they are in dis-unity and know that they are to go and make it right with those they are in dis-unity with, but don't.know.how. They fear the reaction, they fear rejection, they fear messing it up even more. So they decide not to, and the decision to "not go" is easily justified because that is just one of the tricks the enemy of unity likes to use to cripple the Bride, and make her ineffective.
And it occurred to that maybe, just maybe, this is where I come in. And that the sermon was both a reminder and reassurance for me; that for whatever reason, He has seen fit to call me into teaching, training, coaching, and equipping people in the church - the Bride - towards unity. This is humbling, even more humbling than feeling like the only high school drop out in a cohort of brilliant grad students. The Prince of Peace wants me to teach peace. Truly humbling and all I can say is He must know what He is doing, even and especially, when I do not.
It was tough. Three weeks of intensity, completing 2 courses. I struggled with doubt, fear and homesickness. I found myself second guessing my motives, skills and whether or not I was truly on the right path. This all culminated in my marks, which came back this past Friday. An A- and a B. After achieving a 4.13 GPA in the leadership program at TWU, I was disappointed. But then I realized that the voice in my head was the overly responsible, perfectionist, control freak that still lives in me. She's not quite crucified yet I see. LOL. Well, at least the feedback from the prof will assist me in my next course, Social Psychology of Organizational Behavior, that starts next week.
Several things surprised me while I was at RRU, namely, my own assumptions. For whatever reason I had fully anticipated that the rest of my cohort would have experience in conflict resolution. In fact, perhaps a 1/4 of the class had practical training and experience in conflict communication, crucial conversation, third party intervention or mediation. So, that being said, there was a ALOT of conflict, particularly during the team assignments and practical skills practices. And yes, conflict still freaks me out! Go figure.
Another thing that surprised me was the return of my insecurity; being in a room of highly educated people was intimating to say the least. I kept hearing that voice that said I was dull, dumb and out of my league.
Since I've been home, I've been in a bit of a funk, questioning this new reality. Seriously, how will I balance the next 2 years of intense graduate learning with fulltime work, a marriage, and a family? Throw in there a move in October, and a near constant restlessness to figure out whatever it is that all this learning is equipping me for, and I feel overwhelmed at times.
And then...
...today I go to church for the first time since before I left for RRU in early July..
...and I receive a gift, a reassurance, a reminder, and I love it when God does that.
The pastor spoke on unity and challenged the congregation to explore the things that are preventing unity; things like division between them and anyone else. And it occurred to me that often believers know they are in dis-unity and know that they are to go and make it right with those they are in dis-unity with, but don't.know.how. They fear the reaction, they fear rejection, they fear messing it up even more. So they decide not to, and the decision to "not go" is easily justified because that is just one of the tricks the enemy of unity likes to use to cripple the Bride, and make her ineffective.
And it occurred to that maybe, just maybe, this is where I come in. And that the sermon was both a reminder and reassurance for me; that for whatever reason, He has seen fit to call me into teaching, training, coaching, and equipping people in the church - the Bride - towards unity. This is humbling, even more humbling than feeling like the only high school drop out in a cohort of brilliant grad students. The Prince of Peace wants me to teach peace. Truly humbling and all I can say is He must know what He is doing, even and especially, when I do not.
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