All the More Reason...
I admit, I've been caught up in the possibility of God working a miracle in Rwanda and wonder if that is what has compelled me to want to go there. When I hear of things like reconciliation villages between Hutus and Tutsi's, and restorative justice Jesus style, I think the world is going to see something like they've never seen before ... love and reconciliation at work on an impossible scale and I get excited...what with me being a sucker for reconciliation and all.
But apparently it's not all that true.
There is some forgiveness there, sure, and even some authentic reconciliation but mostly (apparently) the reconciliation that is occurring in Rwanda is "imposed"..expectations pressed upon a Christian people in a self declared Christian nation so that peace and order are maintained. It brings to mind words like "accommodating" and "compromise"... or even worse, images of a numbed out, frozen smile, that hides behind the kind of cheap grace that goes along with the "I'm being a good Christian" performance.
When I heard from a new friend who is a genocide survivor that the restorative justice initiatives and reconciliation "courts" were more or less the government's attempt to legislate peace between the two peoples of Rwanda, my heart broke. Where's my miracle? How many times have I said..."If God can reconcile Hutus and Tutsis, imagine what He can do in western churchs who split over the colour of the carpet or the beat of the music?" (and yes, I know that is being pat and there's more to it than that!)
Initially I was sad.
But then a little stirring in me suggested that it's all the more reason to go...
You see, I know what forgiveness is...and how it doesn't come cheap...nor easy. When a heart is truly willing to be made willing to forgive, it's almost like God takes you back into the pain to make doubly sure you mean it. And then He gives you the grace to do it, but it's never easy, never instant, and never pretty. When we declare..."I forgive"...and then smile, numb down the pain and carry on with our offender like nothing happened, we do neither them nor ourselves any justice.
First, I believe that in order to truly forgive someone, you have to be able to see them as human, experience a sense of empathy towards them, and maybe even understand what compelled them to act (understanding the why does not mean agreeing with the what). You have to have compassion for and even love your enemy before you can ever forgive them. Forgiveness is borne of love, not duty.
Second, I believe that in order for someone to receive forgiveness, they have to be truly repentant, and in order for that to happen, they need be fully aware of the harm they caused. Peacefaking forgiveness lets them off the hook of awareness and accountability.
The day I found myself weeping in petition for the step father who so wronged me was the day I recognized that there was love in my heart towards him and at that moment, I realized that both love and forgiveness had snuck up on me. In all the times before that I would tell people I had forgiven, it was to win approval and admiration...it was good Christian performance.
But then I went through some pain, real pain over the memories, over the legacy, over the inadequacies I've always felt because of it, and in the pain, I was forced to get real, forced to - finally - truly rely on God, Who had His way in my heart...and there was nothing cheap about it.
Think of what Jesus went through up to the point that He said "Father forgive them, they know not what they do". He lived as we did, fully man, experiencing all our pain and sorrows, taking upon Himself every.single.putrid.thing. and yet...still loving us. He was able to forgive us because He loved us. In the same way, we are only able to forgive because we love. And sometimes we have to be broken in order to learn love.
Maybe the reconciliation work in Rwanda is performance and maybe it's not, either way, it's all the more reason to go.
But apparently it's not all that true.
There is some forgiveness there, sure, and even some authentic reconciliation but mostly (apparently) the reconciliation that is occurring in Rwanda is "imposed"..expectations pressed upon a Christian people in a self declared Christian nation so that peace and order are maintained. It brings to mind words like "accommodating" and "compromise"... or even worse, images of a numbed out, frozen smile, that hides behind the kind of cheap grace that goes along with the "I'm being a good Christian" performance.
When I heard from a new friend who is a genocide survivor that the restorative justice initiatives and reconciliation "courts" were more or less the government's attempt to legislate peace between the two peoples of Rwanda, my heart broke. Where's my miracle? How many times have I said..."If God can reconcile Hutus and Tutsis, imagine what He can do in western churchs who split over the colour of the carpet or the beat of the music?" (and yes, I know that is being pat and there's more to it than that!)
Initially I was sad.
But then a little stirring in me suggested that it's all the more reason to go...
You see, I know what forgiveness is...and how it doesn't come cheap...nor easy. When a heart is truly willing to be made willing to forgive, it's almost like God takes you back into the pain to make doubly sure you mean it. And then He gives you the grace to do it, but it's never easy, never instant, and never pretty. When we declare..."I forgive"...and then smile, numb down the pain and carry on with our offender like nothing happened, we do neither them nor ourselves any justice.
First, I believe that in order to truly forgive someone, you have to be able to see them as human, experience a sense of empathy towards them, and maybe even understand what compelled them to act (understanding the why does not mean agreeing with the what). You have to have compassion for and even love your enemy before you can ever forgive them. Forgiveness is borne of love, not duty.
Second, I believe that in order for someone to receive forgiveness, they have to be truly repentant, and in order for that to happen, they need be fully aware of the harm they caused. Peacefaking forgiveness lets them off the hook of awareness and accountability.
The day I found myself weeping in petition for the step father who so wronged me was the day I recognized that there was love in my heart towards him and at that moment, I realized that both love and forgiveness had snuck up on me. In all the times before that I would tell people I had forgiven, it was to win approval and admiration...it was good Christian performance.
But then I went through some pain, real pain over the memories, over the legacy, over the inadequacies I've always felt because of it, and in the pain, I was forced to get real, forced to - finally - truly rely on God, Who had His way in my heart...and there was nothing cheap about it.
Think of what Jesus went through up to the point that He said "Father forgive them, they know not what they do". He lived as we did, fully man, experiencing all our pain and sorrows, taking upon Himself every.single.putrid.thing. and yet...still loving us. He was able to forgive us because He loved us. In the same way, we are only able to forgive because we love. And sometimes we have to be broken in order to learn love.
Maybe the reconciliation work in Rwanda is performance and maybe it's not, either way, it's all the more reason to go.
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