Choices

Having to make a decision.  Tough work that.  Particularly when the choices are equally attractive for different reasons.  One choice appeals to the head with it's logic and rationality, while the other appeals to the heart, with it's compassion and need to make a difference. 

I've been faced with 2 very different choices these past few weeks at school.  Head / heart;  marketplace career / ministry vocation calling.  In the midst of these choices, I've also been faced with the ease of falling back into old patterns of behaviors, because when I'm stressed, those old patterns are useful for distracting me.

One option is that which I'm called to, compelled to, while the other is the "set up", the counterfeit, designed to get me out of the game.  But which is which?  Therein lays uncertainty.

One thing I do know - it's decision time and I have to pick one and commit to it, 100% no holds barred commitment. 

You can't sit on two chairs and not eventually fall through the middle.  Here's the poem I wrote while pondering why choice is harder than ambiguity or remaining stuck in place



There is me, here I am

Able capable of

Both good and evil

And the latter exists when the former is forgotten

To know right and wrong

To live in light and dark

To revel in love and hate

Wish for peace

Long for war

Camaraderie found me in trenches of my own wars

 

I wake up mindless

Choices to be made

Gather into my day where I

Do violence with my words

My deeds

Only to turn and salve another

Calm and love

Out of the abundance of my heart flows

Death or life

To those who hear me

Do I care?

Or is apathy the order of this day?

 

The institutions I build

The bounds I set

The places in which I live and move and have my being

Are flavored with

Construction or

Destruction

 

Is it really simply my choice?

 

 

 

Whatever…

 

Justify the choice

Before it is made

If in the rendering

There is shame

Regret

Then justify it again

Attribute the other with

Deserving

Defame

Dehumanize

Step up the justification

And let the self-deception

Excuse my choice

Again

 

 

 

 

 



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