SHADE part 2

When in Palm Springs recently we went for a hike in the desert.  Not a good idea for a couple of northerners used to moderate temperatures on our mountain air hikes.  It was in the high 90's and extremely uncomfortable.  When we found this oasis with lots and lots of shade, what a relief!

Which brings me more to the idea of SHADE...Safe, Humble, Accepting, Discerning and Encouraging...when we find people like that or relationships where we get to experience these qualities, what a relief! We can be ourselves, completely authentic and find support and caring. 

Have been pondering more about this idea of SHADE and am envisioning it like  a 5 week small circle group.  The group comes together one night a week, where we study, learn and even practice, each characteristic.

 Week one we learn about what it means to be Safe, in other words, what would make a conflict safe, what would make each person engaged in the conflict safe?  

Week two, we study humility - what is it, how do we it and more precisely, how do we do it when our default tendency is to defend when in conflict.  How does humility and looking to the interests of others relate? How does humility and forgiveness relate?

Week three, we study accepting - starting with the profound idea that God accepts us where we are at and so why do we struggle to accept others where they're at?  We learn about non judgement, and theory of mind.  Oddly enough, some people really do not understand that not everyone sees things the way they do, and that there are some things and some people that we do not control, cannot control and nor should we try!  Only when we accept this can we commit to another, better way.

Week four, we study discerning.  This is where the learning becomes more interactive, and includes learning how to hear and discern His voice when we are "the two or three gathered in My name".  Did you know that verse pertains to the two or three people who have come together to restore a  brother or sister who is in conflict?  See  Matthew 18: 15 - 20...the two mentioned in verse 19 and the two or three mentioned in verse 20 are the same one or two plus you, who are the two or three witnesses mentioned in verse 16.     It's hard to "hear" when in conflict. Our brain and subsequent behavior gets quite skewed by conflict.  Not only do we have neuropsychological and emotional aspects to deal with, but we tend to be double minded, single minded, closed minded, absent minded, all at the same time.  Discerning in conflict not only pertains to what is needed - interests, solutions, etc, but also entails discerning our heart conditions and how we can learn and grow from the conflict.

Week five, we learn how to be encouraging, even and especially towards those we are in conflict with.  We also learn how to become courageous in our movements through conflict, building capacity for engagement.

The hope is that by the end of the five weeks each SHADE participant has gained enough understanding and capacity to go and be SHADE in their own conflicts. 

That's the vision - now to start working on the materials.

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