Clarity or Trust?

When the sun went down one evening last week, as I admired it, and took this photo, it did not occur to me not to trust that it would come up again the next morning. Nor did it occur to me to pray for clarity so that I could know for sure that it would indeed come up, or what to do in preparation for it's arrival. The sun setting and rising everyday is a "given". Knowing that it happens does not require clarity, and we automatically trust that it will do what it is supposed to do.

I understand that we all need clarity sometimes, and am beginning to understand that clarity is not half as important as trust.

A man seeking his life's purpose went to Calcutta to meet with Mother Theresa. She asked him, "how would you have me pray?" The man said, "pray that I will have clarity." Mother Theresa said, "no, I will not pray that you have clarity, I will pray that you have trust."

I have come to believe that I have a life purpose, which includes a life work that will involve peacemaking, reconciliation, and conflict transformation. It has been awhile now that I have felt myself loosing the grace to do the work that I currently do, and about a year ago, I prayed that this would be my last year doing that work, and that I would be be able to start doing my life work (the good work that God prepared for me to do) within that year. I even gave a time frame. I said "Father, I am hoping that August 2010 will my last month doing the work I do now, and that September 2010 is when I move into doing what I hope to do for the rest of my life". And I left it that, and did not tell anyone.

I went camping last week, and got home on July 30, but did not check my email. I opened my email this morning, and there was a message, dated July 30, from the new ED of the restorative justice non profit that I volunteer for. Their lead mediator and co-ordinator is leaving. He "recommended" me for his position and the ED wants to talk to me about coming to work for them part time (20 hours a week to start in September, moving to 30 hours in January). The position is with the restorative action program, doing conflict training, and mediation in the schools.

Now here is where my tendancies to mistrust and want clarity reared up - last month we refinanced; not only did we become credit card debt free, but we reduced our mortgage payment by $400.00 per month. Couple that with my husband's recent and ongoing transformation so that he seeks to hear our Father and walk in His will always, and add to that the timing (July 30, I mean, come on!) and "there is a way that seems right to man", and YET, I still spent much of today praying for clarity, a sign, a confirmation.

As I pondered this, this afternoon, I remembered what Mother Theresa said - "You do not need clarity, you need trust."

Do I trust that He truly does cause all things to work together for the good of them that love Him and are called according to His purpose? Do I trust that the steps of a righteous person are ordered of the Lord? Do I trust that He is our Provision, and that a huge pay cut is something that He has taken into consideration already? Or is it all just platitude, head knowledge, with no heart? Is it time to "put my money where my mouth is", so to speak?

Here's the picture I have. I'm sitting on the banks of Niagara Falls, watching a man wheelbarrow people across the falls on a tightrope. He does this dozens, hundreds, even thousands of time, and no one falls in. I see he has this ability; I see he has not dropped anyone; I know it can be done; I know it is being done, and I have faith that he can keep doing it successfully.....until he asks me to get into the wheelbarrow. What I see, what I know and what I even have faith in, don't mount up to a hill of beans if I do not have the trust to climb aboard the wheelbarrow.

So, as I pray and ask you to pray, let it be, "Father, forgive my lack of trust, and help me to trust, it is not clarity or confirmation that I need, it is trust."

Amen!