A Little Lesson in ABC's
I read a lot of books! Particularly when it comes to leadership, communication and conflict transformation. What I find so interesting, and even faithbuilding, is that many of the authors, most of whom write from a secular and or humanist perspective, espouse "theories" that have much truth in them.
For example, in Marlilee Adams book, "Change Your Questions, Change Your Life" (Barret-Koehler Publishers, Inc.) she writes a simple, easy to remember "strategy" for when we find ourselves reacting in judgement to someone. She acronym's it with ABCC:
A - awareness
B - breathe
C - curious
C - choice
Adams says that we humans almost always react to circumstances involving other people from a judger perspective, and when we do this, we tend to ask questions like "who's fault is this" and "how can I prove I'm right", or "how can I get them to do what I want", thereby leading each into the typical power struggle that occurs in a typical conflict.
A - awareness, is a reminder that we need to check where we are coming from, and how where we are coming from leaks out to colour the circumstance. Sounds like "take the log out of your own eye" to me.
B - breath is a reminder to step back; take a breath; assess. Are you in judger mode? Are you acting out of your judgements? This is where you are enabled to see your log, and get it out of your eye. Once you've done that, then and only then, can you get C - curious!
Being curious about where the other person is coming from is huge; how many times do we see in scripture where, when confronted, Jesus asked a question? He was always so curious about people. He always wanted to know what moved and motivated them. Genuine curiousity about someone, and where they are coming from, shows interest in them. This is a visible act of love, and is far more effective in maintaining relationship or even restoring relationship, then spouting your own interests and expecting your interests to trump. Sounds like "put other peoples interests in front of your own" to me.
Finally, C - choose. Choose to use the circumstance to get curious and learn about the other, and how the circumstance, and even the other person, can teach you something. Choose to suspend judgement, and get curious instead. Once you find out from where they are coming from, choose to RESPOND to what you now know, rather than REACT to the judgement you made before you got curious.
Jesus came not into the world to judge, and never, ever operated from a judgemental perspective.
Jesus took His time before He responded to anyone. He was always "breathing", taking the time to listen for His Father's voice before He did anything. Did He not say, "I only say what I hear the Father tell me, and only do what I see the Father doing?"
Jesus was extremely curious. He loved people so much He wanted to know all there was to know about them. He was interested in everyone, and wanted to know what interested them, what they needed. This still holds true of Jesus today. We are promised, "Jesus Christ, the same yesterday, today and forever".
Finally, Jesus always choose His response. He never reacted compulsively, saying and doing things He would later come to regret. His words, and deeds were deliberate actions borne of choice, and the choice's He made were always informed; informed by the very people who He was curious about; informed by their words, actions and thoughts; informed by the Father's love for them; informed by His own love for them. When faced with the greatest need of all, He choose to put us first, and gave up His life for us all.
Now we know our ABC's, won't you come and get along with me.
For example, in Marlilee Adams book, "Change Your Questions, Change Your Life" (Barret-Koehler Publishers, Inc.) she writes a simple, easy to remember "strategy" for when we find ourselves reacting in judgement to someone. She acronym's it with ABCC:
A - awareness
B - breathe
C - curious
C - choice
Adams says that we humans almost always react to circumstances involving other people from a judger perspective, and when we do this, we tend to ask questions like "who's fault is this" and "how can I prove I'm right", or "how can I get them to do what I want", thereby leading each into the typical power struggle that occurs in a typical conflict.
A - awareness, is a reminder that we need to check where we are coming from, and how where we are coming from leaks out to colour the circumstance. Sounds like "take the log out of your own eye" to me.
B - breath is a reminder to step back; take a breath; assess. Are you in judger mode? Are you acting out of your judgements? This is where you are enabled to see your log, and get it out of your eye. Once you've done that, then and only then, can you get C - curious!
Being curious about where the other person is coming from is huge; how many times do we see in scripture where, when confronted, Jesus asked a question? He was always so curious about people. He always wanted to know what moved and motivated them. Genuine curiousity about someone, and where they are coming from, shows interest in them. This is a visible act of love, and is far more effective in maintaining relationship or even restoring relationship, then spouting your own interests and expecting your interests to trump. Sounds like "put other peoples interests in front of your own" to me.
Finally, C - choose. Choose to use the circumstance to get curious and learn about the other, and how the circumstance, and even the other person, can teach you something. Choose to suspend judgement, and get curious instead. Once you find out from where they are coming from, choose to RESPOND to what you now know, rather than REACT to the judgement you made before you got curious.
Jesus came not into the world to judge, and never, ever operated from a judgemental perspective.
Jesus took His time before He responded to anyone. He was always "breathing", taking the time to listen for His Father's voice before He did anything. Did He not say, "I only say what I hear the Father tell me, and only do what I see the Father doing?"
Jesus was extremely curious. He loved people so much He wanted to know all there was to know about them. He was interested in everyone, and wanted to know what interested them, what they needed. This still holds true of Jesus today. We are promised, "Jesus Christ, the same yesterday, today and forever".
Finally, Jesus always choose His response. He never reacted compulsively, saying and doing things He would later come to regret. His words, and deeds were deliberate actions borne of choice, and the choice's He made were always informed; informed by the very people who He was curious about; informed by their words, actions and thoughts; informed by the Father's love for them; informed by His own love for them. When faced with the greatest need of all, He choose to put us first, and gave up His life for us all.
Now we know our ABC's, won't you come and get along with me.
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