Peace Treatments

Almost 2 years ago, when I announced I was leaving my previous career of 25 some odd years to launch my own conflict resolution practice, the cheers and congratulatory salutations were numerous and loud.  I was told I was courageous, had a sure thing, and would be a resounding success. Can't  count how many people told me they wished they could also leave their careers to pursue some dream...if only they were as certain about what that dream was, as I was.  It was all heady stuff. Fast forward to today...having blown through the savings that was to cushion the transition, and having completed only a few trainings, arbitrations, workshops and seminars, I am going back to fulltime work in the industry that I'd left.  The congratulations are sounding not so nearly as exuberant as for when I quit...at least not through the lens of what feels like a humbled and contrite heart. But gee, did I learn a lot! First, when you have a dream, go for it. That's the poi...

How often do you think about the words you use - not only those words that become defaults when in conflict, but also those words used in every day conversation?  I've been thinking a lot about words lately. It amazes me how the simple turn of a phrase can lead from impasse to insight, and from resistance to buy in. Most people agree words are important; conflict practitioners understand the value in neutral words, coaches understand the impact words have on perspective and faith healers will argue that your words create your reality. There are indeed words that hold the ability to influence and motivate others and when pondering why they are effective, it occurs to me that motivating words don't hold judgement, and therefore, people remain open to the  sense of possibilities these words generate. Here's a comparative example.... "Attend this workshop.  It will make you a better ___________" versus "People who ha...

Watching the Republican leadership race and listening to the rhetoric of Trump and his supporters,  I've been struck with a sense that there is an undercurrent of something quite distasteful in the culture of that particular demographic that I've not been able to put my finger on. It "feels" hostile, bitter, and contagious and I think I've finally stumbled upon a word that best describes it... ressentiment.    Not resentment...but ressentiment, a French word that suggests a malady in the human spirit that carries with it resentment integrated with contempt, but a contemptuous resentment that is born out of frustration with self that emerges as blame towards others. It's like an infection and has much to do with un-justified indignation that one is unable to obtain that which one envies and covets, particularly when they envy and covet from those they see as  rivals. Ressentiment convinces one that they are an underdog, especi...

When it comes to transforming conflict, whether that be one's own interior conflict or an exterior conflict with other people or even circumstances, so much starts with willingness. What is your WQ?  How does your willingness stack up against your willfulness, particularly when it comes to engaging in the kind of  personal change often necessitated by, in, because of, and through your conflicts? Over the course of my conflict coaching practice, I've seen people land on the realization that they need to undertake some real heart and attitude change, only to almost immediately decry "but why should I be the one who has to......?!"   It seems to me that there is a constant tension between our willingness to learn and change attitudes, mindsets and behaviors and our willfulness to stay self-protecting behind them. This tension between willingness and willfulness manifests itself most obviously in one's default response to being legitimately conf...