Deflecting Guilt

We all do things that we regret, that cause guilt, even shame.  How we respond to our failures has everything to do with whether or not we learn and grow from them.  I once had a blog called "3forward2back".  It was called that because several years ago I determined in my heart to learn from my mistakes - that when I fail and either sin by omission or by commission - that I would confess, repent and if appropriate, find ways to make it right.  This was the covenant I made with myself because I was personally sick and tired of making excuses for my behavior, and finding other things (or people) to blame my stuckness on.  I don't say all this to brag.  On the contrary.  It is God who gets the glory.  Learning to take responsibility for my life (my actions, attitudes and behaviors) instead of blaming others or circumstances has totally freed me from fear.  It's a mystery and I think that is the point.   Owning our sin, taking responsibility for, and confessing it opens the door for God to heal it and do the sanctifying work in our heart that enables us to overcome the sin.  For example, if the thing that trips me up is envy, once I confess envy and bring it into the light, God can then go to work on removing whatever root that causes envy in my heart.

So then, why are we so afraid to take that look in the mirror and take responsibility for ourselves?  Why do we blame others and circumstances and why do we make excuses?  Is it because the pain and shame of our sinful attitude is too much to bear?  Or is that our fallen nature?  I've said this before, but the default position of all humans, since Adam blamed Eve and then God, has been to find others to blame for things we are wholly and solely responsible for. 

Here is a tragic example:  yesterday I had an interview with a father who lost his 18 mo old son in a house fire.  He started out talking to me very aggressively, very angry, asking me what I was going to do for him.  In his threatening way, he said he was suing the city, the fire department, the police department and the landlord for the loss of his son and his belongings.  I listened to him, heard him out, and then started asking questions.  The story in a nutshell is that he and his wife left their 18 mo old sleeping in his room while they went out for a walk.  The stove they'd left on (for heat) caused the fire.  I can't imagine the guilt and shame they must be feeling.  Overwhelming is not an adequate word.  Crushing, immobilizing, soul deadening - they likely don't do it justice either.  And so they HAVE to find someone to blame - it lessons their own guilt and that is what excuse making, justification and rationalization are all about....the singular purpose of blaming is to take the pressure off ourselves. 

I really feel for this family.  I make no excuses for them.  What those parents did was horribly wrong.  And, if they took responsibility for it instead of looking for others to blame, which will only either harden their hearts or make their guilt even more bitter to bear, they would be one step closer to the freedom - even the freedom that comes from forgiveness.  Because here is the kicker - as long as a person blames others, they do not think that they have done anything wrong and if a person thinks they have done nothing wrong,  then how do they receive forgiveness?

Blaming others and circumstances are their own rewards - the relief from guilt is counterfeit and short lived. At some point there will be consequences, either in a hardened heart or repeating patterns of behavior.    I was risking both until by God's grace  He taught me a better way.