Truly in the Middle

I start my training in the Alternative to Violence program tomorrow.  My hope is that once I've gone through the training I will be accepted as a volunteer AVP worker in the prisons. 

Since I began school I have heard a lot about "reframing" your life.  Seeing how the experiences of your childhood, formative years, educational years and early adult years can be threaded together to create the tapestry of who you  are, who you were called to be and meant to be all along.  This passion for restoration and transformation hand in hand with justice began well before I learned anything about reframing my life story.  But now, when I take that look back and see the threads,  it all makes such sense.   Take my view of the victim and the offender - I have always been "for" both.  Some people in restorative justice lean their compassion and empathy to one or the other - I have never done that.  A victim's story tears me up and so does the offender's story.  I am truly in the middle and relate and equally love both, though for different reasons I think. And in reframing my story, it is clear why - I have been each.

As a child I was a victim of violence and abuse.  As a teenager I was an offender who perpetuated violence and abuse, just of a different sort.  I stole, vandalized, shoplifted, wrote bad cheques, lied, did drugs, and assaulted someone.  I did not get caught.  That is all that separated me from any of the women - the daughters, sisters and mothers - who are incarcerated today.  Those daughters, sisters and mothers were abused - this we have in common; they struggled with the rage and the desire to punish that stemmed from that - this we have in common; they messed up - this we have in common;  they longed for a better way, Someone to truly know and love them - this we have in common. 

 I honestly do not differentiate between them and me and yet, because of my human tendancy to show only the good side of me and keep the evil side hidden, I only ever shared the "victim" part of my story.   But, if I am truly to be authentic, both in my personal life and as a worker, then there can be no hiding my offender story.  And here is where grace shows up, because as I think back on the wrongs I have done and the harms I have caused, I know forgiveness and realize compassion has taken the place of self loathing, and now I know where the grace to love the offender comes from.

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