Peace Treatments

In 2003, while starting my training in restorative justice mediation, there was a man from South Africa in my class. He told us about the Truth and Reconciliation work that his country was doing. He did not gloss it over. He said that truth, forgiveness and reconciliation comes hard, with a price sometimes, and that there are many who do not see the value in forgiveness; they want revenge and don't want to see their enemies forgiven. This has long been the human condition, hasn't it? Jonah did not want to see God extend his Grace and Mercy to the people of Ninevah; he wanted to see those people punished. We humans have a much harder time with forgiveness then we think. While we want forgiveness and mercy for ourselves, we sometimes secretly hope that somehow it will be missed by our enemies. I was talking to my husband about this while camping this past week. We talked about how some believe that there are "some sins" that are just unforgivable. I do not bel...

There has been this prevailing desire within me to get a degree. For several years now I've wanted to attend Trinity Western University and complete either a psychology or sociology degree. Then, from there, to complete a masters degree in conflict management. Time and money have been the reasons that I've put off actually doing it. Excuses maybe? But why not? So, I took a step a few weeks ago. I sent an email to the admissions department, basically laid it all out there, as in "hi, I'm a 48 yr old women, working professional, who dropped out of highschool...what are the chances of TWU admitting me?" I received a call back a few days later. The lady on the phone explained PLAR (prior learning and life experience) and I'm now enrolling in a PLA course where they will help me put together a porfolio of all my prior learning, life and work experience, volunteer experience and, yes, even the self learning I've done by way of books I've read. Interest...

The Vancouver Sun posted a story last week about the Reena Virk murder, and how one of the youth involved in her death has been granted parole and is on his way to a new life, with new beginnings that were birthed in the restorative justice process he went thru with the parents of the girl he helped kill. By contrast, the co-defendent in the case is still going through the courts. I believe her 3rd appeal was just heard, and each time she refuses to "woman up" and take responsibility for her own actions, and goes to another appeal, she drags the parents of the murdered girl through the same horrific memories. I've met the young man who owned what he did, confessed his sin, and as a result, sought and was granted forgiveness. He exudes a new kind of life and you find yourself rooting for him. I've not met the young girl who is still stamping her feet in a defiant "not guilty". And I don't have to meet her to know that she is devoid of feeling and lif...

We have been attending back at our local church here in our hometown. This is the church that I attended about 5 years ago, and left to attend a smaller fellowship in the town next door. There are many things that I miss about that smaller fellowship, not the least of which are the people and the teaching. It was here that I learned more about God as Father. I will forever cherish my days there. And it's time to move on, which in this case, might mean "move back" to where we started. Full circle I wonder? So, this morning the pastor preached a terrific sermon out of 1 John. He preached on how sin confounds our fellowship, first with God and then with eachother, and how the only restoration there is, is confession. Confess your sins, and He is faithful and just to forgive you. No exceptions, no if, and, buts or maybe's about it. It's that simple. You know, you hear something over and over and over again, and sometimes, it just gets in there in a whole new...

I finished my last post suggesting that we develop gratitude. That gratitude changes your perspective on everything. This afternoon, while commenting on a friends blog about baby birds and nests, something occurred to me. You see, there is a tiny nest of baby birds in one of my planters, on my patio. I've been watching the momma bird the past several weeks. She has deligently sat on that nest without fail, and now that the eggs have hatched, she is non stop in her search for food. I can't count the times that she flies off in search of food, and how tirelessly she returns with bugs and what not loaded up in her beak, only to feed the wee ones and go flying off again. She's a single mom bird too. No daddy bird to help out. I imagine that when she's off looking for food, she's wondering about her babies back at the nest, slightly panicked that something might be happening to them while she's doing her duty. And that is when it occurred to me. My mom was...

Ok, this may sound a wee bit weird, but some of my most profound epiphanies come at 3:00 am. I'm serious! Every morning I wake up at 3 on the dot and have to use the washroom. I can't tell you how many times on that stumble through the dark to the ensuite that I've had a very tangible "still small voice that sounds like my own", tell me something that I needed to hear. For example, several months ago as I made my way around the bed towards the ensuite, this popped into my head, loud and clear, " you say you love your son, so why are you not praying for him more than you do?" Seriously! There's nothing like a 3 am spiritual wake up call! So, this morning, as per usual, I woke up, rolled over, looked at the clock, "yup, it's weewee time". I stumbled into the ensuite, and sat down.....on to the closed toilet seat. I stood up, lifted the closed toilet seat, sat down and in came the rush of still small, quick, deliberate voice thoughts, stac...

Conflict resolution, conflict management, conflict transformation. Of these three, I've come to imagine the profound possibilities found in "conflict transformation". Conflict Resolution suggests to me that the conflict can be resolved, brought to resolution, fixed, repaired; and it can also suggest that the parties "resolve" to carry out the agreement which often times can be compromise. While the resolution may be done collaboratively, there can still be parties left only partially satisfied. Conflict Management suggests that the conflict may remain though it is managed better than it had been before help for it was sought. Both the dispute and the emotions of those involved in the dispute, are "managed" and this managed state carries into the actual performance of the agreement. Both resolution and management focus on changing the tenor of the conflict itself so that there is agreement on how the parties will act or "show up" to one anothe...

There is a significant difference between confession, and saying sorry. Sadly, much like everything else in our "fast food" culture, we have equated saying sorry with confession. Saying sorry can be a face saving quick fix, whereas true confession takes humility and time. In our Western culture it seems that humility and time are in short supply. It also occurs to me that saying sorry is more about me, as in " gee, sorry, ( I got caught ? ), can we now just put it behind us, pretend it didn't happen and carry on, please?" By comparison, confession is more about the one that we've harmed, as in " what I did caused you pain (or whatever else the harm is) and how can I make amends, so we can truly grow in our relationship without pretense?" This is the basis of scriptures that tell us to confess our sins to one another. Recognize that what you have done has caused harm, take ownership for it without excuse, and make an appropriate, in context amends....

While I have every confidence that I would be accepted into the Masters program in conflict analysis and management at RRU, there remains this near constant desire to complete a BA. While I believe that God can and will accomplish anything He wants with and through me when it comes to a fulltime ministry in conflict resolution, and reconciliation, there remains this thought that one needs credibility and credibility, in our culture anyway, comes with a degree. I mean, think about it. A board of elders and a pastor are at war and along comes an ex-claims adjuster, wanting to lead them through it. Logic dictates that they would conclude that I wouldn't have much to give them. While God might dictate otherwise, it's been my experience that most people entrenched in conflict do not hear God very well. Could be one of the reasons they are so entrenched? Ever since I started on this path in 2003 I've been wanting a degree. So, on the heels of my graduation from the JI a...

Typically, mediation as it is done civilly, is simply a vehicle to bring about resolution to what ever conflict is going on. The focus is on the thing that needs resolving, such as property division at divorce, details surrounding custody, the value of quantum in bodily injury cases and the division of assets in estate disputes, among other things. The practical skills training one receives from institutions that teach alternative dispute and conflict resolution teachs one to concentrate on the "thing", collaborate to get resolution, and if necessary, compromise. There is no real attention given to the relationship after the "thing" is resolved. Usually the parties go away, having the "thing" settled, but often the relationship is damaged forever. You see, from the worlds perspective, mediation collaborates for a solution, and lets the parties go their way with the solution as their reward. This kind of mediation does nothing to uncover sin, in fact, doe...

So, why a blog about conflict? Believers don't have conflict, do they? And if they do, are they not equipped better than anyone else on how to resolve it? I mean, we have the power of confession, forgiveness and absolution at our disposal, not to mention the wisdom of the Holy Spirit. He is our Helper, who gives us clarity to see our way to understanding those we may be in conflict with, if indeed, believers ever have conflict. So, cheekiness aside, why a blog about conflict? Well, here is a bit of back story to build on my first post. I was raised in an unbelieving home, a broken home, and an abusive one. In hindsight, I see that this contributed to my complete and total fear of conflict, to the point that I avoided it at all costs. I was a peacefaker, and "went along to get along". Needless to say, there were not too many choices that were mine because when you go along to get along you loose integrity. Oddly enough, I fell into a career that was rife with confli...

I learned from a Jewish rabbi back in 1999 that my name means "song." I was sitting at his kitchen table, working on his insurance claim, and his wife asked me if I was Jewish. I said no, but I do love the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. She reminded me that Jesus was Jewish, and I smiled, and said, "Yes, the greatest One who ever lived." But I digress. Fast forward several years and in the midst of this burning desire in my heart to see the church, the Body of Christ on Earth, walking out her destiny of loving, reconciled, forgiving, "oneness," I was moved to look up my name in a Hebrew dictionary. And I found it...Rhinnah...(great spelling eh?) and it means "ringing cry of joy to Yahweh, shout of joy" and "cry of peace." In Greek, it means "peace." Hmmmmmm....time to get all prophetic? Yeah, not. My mom named me after reading the book Carpetbaggers. Nothing prophetic there! So what is my point? Where did this ache, longing,...