Tranformation
Conflict resolution, conflict management, conflict transformation. Of these three, I've come to imagine the profound possibilities found in "conflict transformation".
Conflict Resolution suggests to me that the conflict can be resolved, brought to resolution, fixed, repaired; and it can also suggest that the parties "resolve" to carry out the agreement which often times can be compromise. While the resolution may be done collaboratively, there can still be parties left only partially satisfied.
Conflict Management suggests that the conflict may remain though it is managed better than it had been before help for it was sought. Both the dispute and the emotions of those involved in the dispute, are "managed" and this managed state carries into the actual performance of the agreement.
Both resolution and management focus on changing the tenor of the conflict itself so that there is agreement on how the parties will act or "show up" to one another during the entire time that they are expected to interact. For example, divorcing parents who share joint custody have to have certain boundaries, guidelines and even rules in place for how they are going to interact while sharing custody. They resolve their interpersonal angst, and manage their emotions, tongues, and behavior towards one another for the sake of the children and the agreement they made over custody of the children. This is a good thing, and while the dispute over custody may be resolved and managed, there remains a relationship that is broken, and un-reconciled. Heart wounds and soul hurts do not heal with time; they heal with confession, forgiveness, even amends, but that is another post.
Conflict transformation, in the way I visualize it, does more than focus on the "thing" that needs resolving and managing; it also sees the potential of transforming the people who are parties to the conflict. It recognizes that conflict has a root far deeper than merely fighting over who gets what, or who did what to whom first! James wrote that there are quarrels and fights among you because of the evil, selfish desires that war within you. Transform the heart within and you transform the conflict with out.
I like the word transformation. I like the word restoration too. Then one day I thought about how one restores an old antique. You sand it down, get rid of the old stain, then oil it. Then you restain it so that it looks brand new. And it's beautiful; it's value has been restored; and it's still just the same old antique. Only the appearance was changed.
Lets take the old antique and restore it. At the same time, lets decide to put it to another purpose, use it for something other than what it was originally made for, perhaps something like taking an old sideboard, and removing a piece here, changing a section there, and now you have a beautiful and serviceable desk. It's been restored, and it's been transformed. It is no longer a sideboard, now it's a desk. I see restoration as restoring something's value, while I see tranformation as giving something new, valuable purpose.
This may be overly simplistic, and I have just started seeing conflict transformation like this, but it just seems to me that if the first thing I do when conflict rears it's head, is to take an honest, searching look inside at what I may be selfishly desiring and demanding, and then I allow for change to occur in me first, I am being transformed.
Transform one person in a conflict, and you have transformed the conflict.
And one final word. If conflict can be a vehicle to get me to look inside, and allow heart change, then conflict isn't a bad thing. How we think about conflict can be transformed when we see it as something that has new and valuable purpose, too.
Conflict Resolution suggests to me that the conflict can be resolved, brought to resolution, fixed, repaired; and it can also suggest that the parties "resolve" to carry out the agreement which often times can be compromise. While the resolution may be done collaboratively, there can still be parties left only partially satisfied.
Conflict Management suggests that the conflict may remain though it is managed better than it had been before help for it was sought. Both the dispute and the emotions of those involved in the dispute, are "managed" and this managed state carries into the actual performance of the agreement.
Both resolution and management focus on changing the tenor of the conflict itself so that there is agreement on how the parties will act or "show up" to one another during the entire time that they are expected to interact. For example, divorcing parents who share joint custody have to have certain boundaries, guidelines and even rules in place for how they are going to interact while sharing custody. They resolve their interpersonal angst, and manage their emotions, tongues, and behavior towards one another for the sake of the children and the agreement they made over custody of the children. This is a good thing, and while the dispute over custody may be resolved and managed, there remains a relationship that is broken, and un-reconciled. Heart wounds and soul hurts do not heal with time; they heal with confession, forgiveness, even amends, but that is another post.
Conflict transformation, in the way I visualize it, does more than focus on the "thing" that needs resolving and managing; it also sees the potential of transforming the people who are parties to the conflict. It recognizes that conflict has a root far deeper than merely fighting over who gets what, or who did what to whom first! James wrote that there are quarrels and fights among you because of the evil, selfish desires that war within you. Transform the heart within and you transform the conflict with out.
I like the word transformation. I like the word restoration too. Then one day I thought about how one restores an old antique. You sand it down, get rid of the old stain, then oil it. Then you restain it so that it looks brand new. And it's beautiful; it's value has been restored; and it's still just the same old antique. Only the appearance was changed.
Lets take the old antique and restore it. At the same time, lets decide to put it to another purpose, use it for something other than what it was originally made for, perhaps something like taking an old sideboard, and removing a piece here, changing a section there, and now you have a beautiful and serviceable desk. It's been restored, and it's been transformed. It is no longer a sideboard, now it's a desk. I see restoration as restoring something's value, while I see tranformation as giving something new, valuable purpose.
This may be overly simplistic, and I have just started seeing conflict transformation like this, but it just seems to me that if the first thing I do when conflict rears it's head, is to take an honest, searching look inside at what I may be selfishly desiring and demanding, and then I allow for change to occur in me first, I am being transformed.
Transform one person in a conflict, and you have transformed the conflict.
And one final word. If conflict can be a vehicle to get me to look inside, and allow heart change, then conflict isn't a bad thing. How we think about conflict can be transformed when we see it as something that has new and valuable purpose, too.
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